Happy Tuesday! At this writing I am sitting on the deck in the cool of the morning with my dogs laying at my feet and reading in a new devotional material. Bruce is bringing his breakfast out here and we will share the quietness of the morning together.

Today I am going to the post office, returning tables and chairs to the church and taking Travis out to TCC to see an advisor about classes for the fall. It will be a busy day.

For any new readers to this blog, Coffee with God began last summer each day just before I went to spend the day with Casey in the hospital. I went to the small table on the front porch and read the Word and reflected on what God had to share with me. I have grown to have a hunger and thirst for the Word. I still cannot quote scripture chapter and verse like many others, but I am learning to read and gain a better understanding of God’s Word and I love it. Reading scripture, prayer and so many loving and caring people are what has gotten us through the loss of our son to cancer. As for me, I do not think I will ever get over the loss of Casey, but I know I will get through the grief at some point for the Word tells me that “The weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning.”

Psalm 94:19 “When I am filled with cares, Your comfort brings me joy.”

As I approached this morning and return to God that which was started last summer, I think of that summer. Each day I would come to the front porch with coffee in hand. Out of the earshot of the washer, dryer, out of the sight of the breakfast dishes and I did not even take my phone outside and spent time with God before riding my wonderful adult tricycle to the hospital to spend the day with Casey. I used Max Lucado’s Grace for the Moment Bible, a daily devotional reading for the day’s reflection.

Today, I am sitting on the deck in the backyard. With laptop on the table, dogs at my feet, coffee to my left I am using a devotion provided by one of my school friends called, Journey, a Woman’s guide to Intimacy with God. This aforementioned scripture is the reading for today. I am not sure if it was there before I opened the book or if left by an angel, but it was so very appropriate for today. The reflection for the scripture is a story of a woman who has experienced loss.

I have to believe the most devastating loss any parent can experience is the loss of a child. There are certain expectations of loss everyone has. We will lose our parents at some point and we will lose our spouses or they will lose us all to death. And even though those are losses that are totally devastating and filled with pain and absence, the loss of a child, no matter at what age is devastating. Pastor Joel, our pastor at Advent, says, “Gaylene, you are a member of a club that should not ever have any more members.” Parents are not supposed to bury their children.

As I would visit Casey each day, he would always greet me with a smile and a big hug and “Mom, want to play TextTwist?” I always marveled at his matter of fact attitude at this devastating disease that was slowly and painfully taking his body. The most amazing aspect was that even though the disease was taking his body, it never seemed to even touch his spirit or determination. The nurses loved to see him, the doctors all visited even if he wasn’t their patient and he welcomed all visitors with a face and eyes that shined with the love of the living God.

To say that I miss Casey does not even describe the loss I feel. I have an aching in my soul sometimes that nothing seems to be able to comfort. Then I remember the words of the beloved 23rd Psalm; “He restores my soul.” The creator of the universe, the Father of Jesus has promised that my soul will be restored and that joy will return. Please understand I am not unhappy. And I am not sad all of the time, but there is this huge hole in my heart that was once filled by my blond haired, blued-eyed first born child who brought me great joy. But God has promised through His Word, His voice in prayer and His grace-filled people that my soul will be restored and His comfort will bring joy. I cling to these promises, these truths of God. For we have a God that would not lie and never breaks His promises.

Lord, we weren’t created to go through the tough times alone. You gave us your Word, Your Son and your people to bear the burdens we carry. Restore joy to those who have experienced loss. Thank you blessed Father. In the name of Jesus, Amen

Take joy in the journey. Love you all, Bruce, Gaylene, Geni and Travis.

Gcapplenotes@aol.com

I am not moved by by what I see. I am not moved by what I feel. I am moved only by what I believe and I believe God.