Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Happy Monday! On the first day of Christmas break my true love brought to me…a cup of coffee in bed. I spent the first hour or so of my holiday break sipping coffee quietly in our bed and watching Matlock. The kids were asleep and Bruce had to go to Tyler. So I had a few moments of quiet time to myself. Those moments were short lived, but very enjoyable.

I spent the next part of my day visiting our friend Deb Koplen. She is having her second chemotherapy treatment today. I took her a caramel macchiato form Starbucks and to my surprise her beautiful red locks had been shaved off and she was proudly sporting a new “do.” I scouted around and found her a turban like head cap and she looked simply smashing. Deb seems to be back to her bossy order giving self and it was nice to have her back after being so confused for so long. Her confusion reminded me so much of the times when Casey had chemo brain and had hallucinations. He always told me (after reassuring me he never took acid) that these hallucinations were what he thought acid trips must be like. He said the dreams were really awful. The doc has written orders for her to go to Kindred Rehab Hospital across the street. I think the decision is insurance driven. Anyway she still is in need of our prayers and visits. I will let you know when the move takes place.

I finished up Christmas shopping today. I also(figuratively) hit some brick walls today. It was an emotional day and I had to just keep walking forward and keeping my task in front of me. Between the mall and Target I cratered. As I was driving I asked God to heal my broken heart and help me find some joy somewhere. I began to count my blessings and by the time I got to Target, I was better. Not healed, but better. Travis invited two of his good friends over for dinner tonight. It was fun to have both Geni and Travis and their friends around the table tonight. It brought the joy I was seeking to my heart. Tomorrow I plan to roast a turkey for Thursday lunch, wrap gifts and go shopping with Geni and Travis.

Luke 1: 49 says, “For the Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is His name.” I debated as to whether to share this moment with you tonight, but here goes. As I was leaving the hospital I stopped by the nurses’ station for a moment and looked down at the other end of the counter. There I saw a young man probably in his mid-twenties with short blond hair, husky build, wearing glasses, about 5’10-11’ and smiling. I called to Wendy, the charge nurse, to “come here!!”She quickly got up and I asked her to look at the young man. Her response was “Oh my gosh!” I then asked Penny, another nurse, to do the same and I thought she was going to faint. This young man was an ambulance driver there to pick up a patient and take them to radiation. He could have been Casey’s twin. It was such an emotional experience for me and it affected me for the remainder of the day.

I think it was this event that perhaps caused me when I was so upset between the mall and Target, to count my blessings. I began by thanking God for His Son. I gave thanks for the blessing of Jesus and the cross and not only covering my sins, but covering my sorrows and blessing me with great joy even when I have trouble finding joy, too. I gave thanks for the family who raised me; who loved me with unconditional love so that I would always feel secure in not only the love of a family, but to have a glimpse of what God’s love is like and to be able to always count on that love no matter what life throws at me. It was the love of God in my family expressed daily throughout my life as a young person and now as I am older and have a family of my own that taught me to love the family God gave me to raise with that same love. I gave thanks for Bruce and the courage he displays each day as he works with people and their homes and how he prays before each home he enters that he will be able to help them and that it will be a peaceful equitable experience. I gave thanks for Geni and Travis and the joy they bring to me. How I give thanks each time they come home or even walk into a room. They will never understand the depth of love and pride I take in each of them until they have children of their own. I am so proud of each of them and they are becoming the most amazing young adults as each one is beginning to find their way in this world. I pray they each look to God for guidance and ask Him for direction in their lives. By now I arrived at Target, wiped my eyes and braved the cold.

Do you suppose these are questions Mary pondered in her heart? Do you suppose Mary had any clue as to the fate of her Son? Do you suppose as she held her Son in those first few hours that she and the child that she delivered would also deliver her and the world? Those last words are from a song written by Mark Lowry called, Mary Did You Know? In the verse from Luke, the words are from Mary. She glorifies God as she is an unwed pregnant mother who courageously follows God’s will for her life and for the life she carries. In her despair over the situation she counts her blessings even when it is hard.

Count your blessings my friends. Hug your babies no matter how old they are and visit someone who cannot be at home for Christmas. Love you all so much, Bruce, Gaylene, Geni and Travis.

Gcapplenotes@aol.com

I am not moved by what I see. I am not moved by what I feel. I am moved only by what I believe and I believe God.

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